The Depressed Cuckoo

I enjoy being emotional. Going a little 'cuckoo' keeps me sane at times. It allows me to open up and share the love with everyone around me. I want to be the one who makes everyone happy. Love me and I'll love you two times more.

I get a little depressed at times as well. Sometimes i feel that i contradict myself. In fact, i know i always do. But i can't help it. I'm not too sure whether I'm depressed that's why i go a little 'cuckoo' and happy to hide the depression OR it could be that i just love feeling depressed at times. Shit. How will i ever find that out...

You'll see me smiling and laughing like mad but the truth is, I'm not exactly sure about how i am feeling. Sometimes I'd laugh till i feel like crying. Sometimes i feel like crying but then i end up laughing cause I'd be thinking, 'Why the hell am i crying over this?' Now... Am i starting to sound freaky?

Ok, maybe this needs a little bit of analyzing...
1. Why do I feel like crying?
- I can never earn enough to pay off my debts anytime soon.
- I can't wait to meet him such that now he's gone for two weeks, it almost drives me nuts to keep calm about the fact that he didn't call today.
- I miss my dad too much.
- I got tangled in deep affair shit at work.

2. What makes me laugh?
- Seeing my colleague when she's in her 'spacey' mode is just hilarious.
- When someone pulls me back to reality and makes me realize that i shouldn't be hoping and dreaming to much.
- Upon hearing him claiming himself a virgin.
- My attempts to quit smoking and drinking.
- Picturing the bartender rolling in the drain due to depression then handing over his prized possession, a Taiwanese drama series vcd, to the very much down-to-earth friend.

Well, looks like I've got more points to laugh at rather than to cry. But i know the reason why i can laugh till i feel like crying... It's because at the end of the day i know that I'm laughing alone... Waiting for someone to be happy with me.

I know who i wish it is. But right now, when i hope or wish, it feels even emptier because it might be for something that was never even there.