Fucking Labs

My fingers are going numb.

I'll never understand why they make the labs so cold, cold enough to kill my fingers.

Between 1 to 2

I've never had someone i like read my blog before. Here i go secretly writing about her and she goes home and reads it. She found my thoughts. Well actually i told her about it.

I focus on what i want to write on. I think about her while my mind sways to the music from my computer. My fingers seem to be dancing frantically around the keyboard. Searching for the right letters, hurrying as if afraid to be caught.

I write not to let others know how i feel. I write to tell myself how i feel. I'm not sharing my thoughts. I'm just telling myself things, reminding myself.

(An sms interrupts me.)

She's telling me she can't sleep. But that was at 12.18am. Now it's 2am. Abit too late. She has always been too late for me. So now i guess it's my turn to leave her waiting. This time she tells me so many things. I'm getting too tired to even think about them. All i can say is, 'It's too late.' But what i leave out is, 'I've got someone else.'

Leaving out isn't lying. That, i have to point out. It's just that she never ask. So why should i tell her, her bad news, which is indeed good news to me.

Now on to better issues. Firstly, just read her blog. It made me smile. Secondly, it's always nice to know that there's someone who loves you. It gets better when you learn to love the other. Thirdly, soccer is great fun especially if you're deprived of it for a month. Fourthly, 'subarashi' was a hell of a ride.

A Complain.

Let's complain about money.

Fucking money.

Thank you.

Untitled.

I'm not comparing.

She is everything that Kim is not.

Stupid People REALLY Shouldn't Fucking PLAN.

4 days 3 nights at KL. Fucking spent alot. Sigh... Now i got to work my ass off. Fuck...

Can i look for a job now? No....... Thanks to some FREAKING Laos trip. Yah. Used to be excited about it. But not now. Not today. Not when i feel that the freakinG lecturers are BAD bad bad last minute planners. Fucking bad. They NEVER mentioned about ALL these short briefings and bonding and brainstorming sessions. They only mentioned that there would be ONE briefing and recently added that we would be having some overnight thingy in school.

So now, whatever they have in mind all clashes with MY FIXED plans! Whatever. I'm going for MY plans. Isn't it so shitty if i were to just go for this trip without attending their briefings and meetings? I think it is. What a spoiler.

Come to think of it, i'm going there to teach those adults there IT. What the fuck... So not interesting. Teaching them how to use microsoft office and setting up PC. What the Fuck. I thought i made a promise to be over and done with IT the moment i'm done with school. Guess i'm still stuck at it.

And RAUDHA!! You're supposed to send me his number! I could have called him at night ok! Wah lau... Raudha! TSK! !

I should have just stayed in KL and never come back.

Celebrate For Them

1.
Oh my god! She still knows how to piss me off. A champion at it indeed.

Congratulations.

2.
Guys just seriously don't know how/can't seem/lack the ability to keep me interested in talking with them.

Congratulations.

Post-Break Up Shit

She can't talk things with me?! Now.... That's crap. Suddenly i'm the one who don't listen? Suddenly i'm the one who avoids an opinionated discussion? That's very unlikely of me. Suddenly she's the one who gives. -_-

And all i ask was for her to get some sleep cause she got work tomorrow and besides, her prepaid card is low. Why waste it discussing about moving on with our lives (again) at 4.20am?

Just trying to think practical.

A Short Note

I shock her. I talk to her plastic bag. I see her on saturdays.

She sells banu vcds. She loves prata. She missed me today. She's a CB.

Rendezvous this weekend.

Crash Course.

I'll be going to KL with my shopaholic momma on tuesday. Will be back on friday. So in the meantime, you guys can crash at my place. My gay little brother will be home.

Cheers!

I'm Just Stupid

She's at it again. Fucking ASSHOLE.

The Habit.

Fuck. It's been over 2 weeks i think and i still think about her. I still want to hold her, pamper her, love her, sms her just to know what she's doing, just to know how her day was. But i resist these temptations. Or maybe they're just a habit. I mean, a whole year of doing that, i can't possibly go cold turkey and leave it like as if it didn't mean a shit.

I'm starting to feel like as if i secretly, unconsciously do love the arguments, the problems and her crap. Oh my god, i'm so crappy. I go out with my friends and get myself occupied with other things but at the back of my mind, i'm still wondering what she's doing.

But i know i'm stupid if i get back with her. I need to shake it off. So just forget it. Fuck it.

Disappointing Challenges

I think i have become an 'anti-woodlands wellington' and also 'anti-straight virgo guys'.

Seriously people, i challenge you to find me an interesting guy who i'd be able to talk to. I'm telling you, give me at least a month knowing some guy who likes me and i'll start to get pissed with him.

Another challenge. Try finding the player with the best attitude in Woodlands Wellington. Lulu not counted.

The world is full of disappointments people... Full of disappointments.

Or maybe it's just me. The complicated, insecure, angry bitch.