Life

Define 'Get A Life'.

Partying almost every night. -Is that life?
Chilling out with old friends. - Is that life?
Spending time with your loved one at home. - Is that life?
Having a successful career. - Is that life?

Well, as long as you're happy.

Irony

I hate to admit this, but sometimes cheating and flings can be pretty nice...

Just like a dream

I love my dream last night. But i hate the fact that it's just a dream.

Bang.

Prayers before Sleep

I can't wait to see what the future holds for me. What will i be doing few years down the road? Would many things in my life change? Would i still be the same? Was my life written well?

Life is strange and beautiful. It's heartless at times but we'll all survive it somehow. I'm lucky i have people around me who can make me laugh and not think about the depressing things in my life. Everyone has the dark side that they do not wish to think or even talk about. I have beautifully imperfect friends to keep me sane and pull me back to reality when i need them to. Thank you friends.

I've got a brother whom i can talk to. I can drink with him when i need to let my negative emotions out. He listens and he isn't a critic. He sees things fairly and he keeps my thoughts simple. His replies are very down-to-earth, thus he's one of the best listeners in my life. My sister on the other hand, believes in being safe. I guess that's why we call her 'makcik'. Always afraid to take the risk. But still, i love her for listening and having someone to talk to in the middle of the night before i fall asleep. Again i'm lucky, to have them as my siblings. Thank you my splendid siblings.

For the confused

Day three of loneliness. Making myself busy with stuff just to get my mind off certain things. I miss having someone to occupy my time with. I want my day full of action. Plans, plans and more plans. I know it has only been awhile since i feel alone. But boy, do the days go by so slow. I don't want talk about him. I wish i can. No closure, so i guess i gotta make up my own. I need someone just so that i can keep myself away from the boss.

Now i know the difference between being with a man and a woman. Man are insensitive towards a woman. They usually have a motive in mind when it comes to being close to a woman. As for women, we just want love. They just want to love a person who loves them back just as much. Someone who is willing to sacrifice time for them and yet we don't have to think about any future. Just that moment to feel loved. When it comes to being with men, the deeper you get in the relationship, the more you have to think about the future. That is, marriage. With women, nothing else matters except for every time that you spend together.

So, it may sound like women just want someone to be by their side. Maybe flings and affairs will do. There isn't a future in that right? But it's different. Involving in flings and affairs means it's just sex. I just want someone who can spend time with. Someone i can share my thoughts with, someone i can cuddle with, someone unpredictable, someone who doesn't need me to think about our future, someone who just appreciates the moments we're spending together. No strings attached.

Case Closed

Oh My God. I deleted him from my phone!

Hopes for an Ending

Ok. I've read about palmistry and astrology. But i still need professional help.

So what about 'M.I.A-ing' on me? Must be really fun. Made me hope and wait. For nothing. Either i can believe that good things have to wait or that he doesn't bother about me as much as i do about him. Which is more comforting? Obviously the first. But of course, believing the latter makes me prepared for the worst. Well, it's not that it's doomsday or anything, but i just wish that something DID happen between us. I don't want a 'it ended before we got anything started' sort of relationship. Where's the CLOSURE??!

Ok, when i said something DID happen, did i mean sex? Maybe. Or maybe even just kisses and hugs would have been enough. At least some touch! Do you know how important it is to at least have some touch between 2 people? Very important.

Alright, i can't think so much now. Whatever it is, i'm still looking for my closure. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Drop By and Say Hi

It's nice to know that not everyone forgets me. It's nice to feel wanted and it's nice to know that someone else is thinking about me.

Comparisons

Older men are sensitive. Maybe a little too sensitive.
Older men are more secured. Financially and emotionally.
Older men know how to make a lady not forget them. Applies to those who already have someone special in their life.

Younger men knows how to pamper a lady over the little things in life.
Younger men are clingy.
Younger men aren't so secured especially when it comes to relationships.
Younger men fall in love easily.
Younger men are easy to break.

Women are just beautiful. Younger or older.

The Depressed Cuckoo

I enjoy being emotional. Going a little 'cuckoo' keeps me sane at times. It allows me to open up and share the love with everyone around me. I want to be the one who makes everyone happy. Love me and I'll love you two times more.

I get a little depressed at times as well. Sometimes i feel that i contradict myself. In fact, i know i always do. But i can't help it. I'm not too sure whether I'm depressed that's why i go a little 'cuckoo' and happy to hide the depression OR it could be that i just love feeling depressed at times. Shit. How will i ever find that out...

You'll see me smiling and laughing like mad but the truth is, I'm not exactly sure about how i am feeling. Sometimes I'd laugh till i feel like crying. Sometimes i feel like crying but then i end up laughing cause I'd be thinking, 'Why the hell am i crying over this?' Now... Am i starting to sound freaky?

Ok, maybe this needs a little bit of analyzing...
1. Why do I feel like crying?
- I can never earn enough to pay off my debts anytime soon.
- I can't wait to meet him such that now he's gone for two weeks, it almost drives me nuts to keep calm about the fact that he didn't call today.
- I miss my dad too much.
- I got tangled in deep affair shit at work.

2. What makes me laugh?
- Seeing my colleague when she's in her 'spacey' mode is just hilarious.
- When someone pulls me back to reality and makes me realize that i shouldn't be hoping and dreaming to much.
- Upon hearing him claiming himself a virgin.
- My attempts to quit smoking and drinking.
- Picturing the bartender rolling in the drain due to depression then handing over his prized possession, a Taiwanese drama series vcd, to the very much down-to-earth friend.

Well, looks like I've got more points to laugh at rather than to cry. But i know the reason why i can laugh till i feel like crying... It's because at the end of the day i know that I'm laughing alone... Waiting for someone to be happy with me.

I know who i wish it is. But right now, when i hope or wish, it feels even emptier because it might be for something that was never even there.

Too Little Too Soon

It's funny how knowing someone for such a short time can be painful.

I thought i found my inspiration. But i lost it somehow. Just when i'm really sincere, they walk out on me. Like i mentioned before, i'm the most tamed girlfriend anyone can ever have. Why can't i get the things or even the person that i want? I always have to get it the hard way. Things and people come and go. I don't know what he did, but i wish he didn't go. I wish he wasn't serious about it. I wish i had a chance to show him how i really felt.

Now i know i shouldn't let the chance go by. I should make the move when i feel like it and i should do what i feel like doing. I should stop day dreaming and act fast. I pictured holding him close and taking care of him well. I pictured being true to him and giving him what he expects from me. I pictured being the perfect one for him. But that was all in my mind. I should have showed him before he walked away. Though i know that i knew him for such a short time, somehow i felt like i knew him for ages. I felt that there wasn't much to say as it wasn't necessary because as long as i have him beside me, it's enough. We didn't talk as much as i thought we should because i didn't feel that we needed to. The amazing thing was that even though we didn't touch, even though we don't talk much, i felt really comfortable with him. Being with him reminded me of my mom and dad. Can't believe i let the chance go past me so soon. Too soon...

I wonder what he did that made me like him so much. I wouldn't dare say that i love him as i refrained myself from getting emotionally attached. I know we didn't quite have anything serious going on between us. We didn't have the chance to. But the reason he walked away was just too simple. Too unreasonable. I knew i was prepared to be serious. Why didn't i show it?

Moved On

She is silently living in her own misery. Afraid to ask as it might get worse. Trying to hold back the tears because deep down she knows, life has to go on. She knows she can live without her partner. And somehow, she was prepared for this day. Then again, no matter how prepared she is, she can't help but cry herself to sleep every night, thinking about the past, thinking about the mistakes that she has done and wishing she could make things right.

It's too late. Funny how i don't feel a thing...