'When-I'm-Alone' Thoughts

I'm currently living a rather unhealthy, happy life. Emotionally, mentally and physically.

The need of having someone to want me.

The misuse of comfort.

The overdose of caffeine and cigarettes.

We all want to be loved. But how far would you go to getting it? Is physical contact that important to make you feel wanted and loved? Is it as comforting as knowing that someone is always thinking and caring about you? What ever happened to 'it's the thought that counts' principle?

I have to admit it. I do miss having someone to hold. Just that one special person. Believe me when i say i've been holding on to alot of people but they all don't seem right. I left the one person i was really comfortable with, just like that. Sneaked away like as if it never existed.

Do i regret it? No. But I miss it though. I'm missing it real bad.

Disappointments

Ok. Again, i never get the things i want.

She's not coming on Sunday.
He didn't drop by to say hi.

I must stop putting hopes on things that have no end.

(Thank god i can rely on coffee, always.)

Dejavu

I can't believe what happened last night. It was rather surreal. But this time it felt alright. I didn't get lost in it. Maybe to me it was a closure. Or maybe it feels good to know that he is still interested.

He kept waving to me, inviting me to join him for drinks. I wish to believe that he was begging me to join him for drinks. He talked too much and made me sleepy. But when it was all quiet, i was awake and alert.

It may have been an interesting night. But i must remember that i'm single and not available to men. I must remember that women have their own rights and that must not be taken advantage of, especially by men. I must be strong because the magic won't work on me.

3 Rules I Learnt This Month

I shall not see anyone right now. No dates please. Fuck the seriousness of dates. Let's all chill out and hangout. If you can't do that with me, please get lost.

I shall not sleep around. One sleeping partner and that's all i need. A fuck buddy with no strings attached. No expectations, no arguments, no future. Just fun and comfort. (Girls are not included in this.)

I shall be gay for life. I may get married and have the oh-so-perfect family. But i know i still have gay in me.

These are my rules until whenever.